I have been procrastinating writing this post for like a week now. It has been a week since I told myself, it is time to stop blogging (why that is further down this post) and finally, here I am – going back on what I’m saying (actually quitting) to; simply put, tell you guys that I’m taking an
Indefinite Break.
indefinite
a dictionary somewhere from the internet
/ɪnˈdɛfɪnət/ adj.
– lasting for an unknown or unstated length of time.
The truth is, despite having such a successful January when it came to blogging – I faced the realisation that I wasn’t enjoying it and I haven’t been enjoying blogging for a while, and I had no excuses for why I wasn’t enjoying it either.
After a successful month, I saw how even though – I scheduled posts ahead, maintained an average of 3 posts were week and even posted every day for a week for the blogiful event – that I wasn’t having fun.
All that content and it felt like I had shouted my opinions out into the void and got nothing back.
I started this blog to foster discussion online about books I loved or hated, discussion that had already died on the bookstagram platform I was previously so active on. It began to feel meaningless to post content on here because the discussion wasn’t really happening here either. I always thought to myself, it must be because I’m not posting consistently enough! All the great bloggers who get so many comments post like every day or at least 3-4 times a week so that’s why I’m not making new blogger friends, that’s why I’m not getting the interaction I wanted and expected from this platform.
But after January, a statistically successful month (not that I check stats often), I still saw and felt nothing. Blogging had become a chore, a reflex; a habit that I felt, almost a duty, to assert myself as a book reviewer, book lover, someone worth of esteem in the book and blogging community that has looked more non-existent than ever on actual blog platforms.
I used to say, blogging is for myself. Blogging is like my own reading reflective journal, it’s a little corner of the cyberspace for me.
I don’t know if that’s true anymore because it’s a struggle to create content. It truly felt like a chore; to try and come up with creative discussions and post ideas on how to make my blog feel more unique and read-worthy when I was getting nothing back.
The tiny little feeling of happiness and satisfaction when a post I wrote was published, diminished within minutes. After thinking on it, getting wise advice from a loved one (“duh, blog when you want to blog, it’s your website”) and after seeing a tweet from a fellow blogger struggling on the idea – I decided to call it quits.
Has anyone else wondered what it would be like to only be a content consumer and no longer a content creator?
The thought seems so alien to me because I’ve been creating content for so long and my competitive side didn’t want to stop because quitting also meant failing and giving up.
The truth is, blogging takes a lot of work, unpaid work that obviously became a habit. As someone who works full-time, who is frankly struggling to get through pro-bono design commissions as well as paid ones, blogging became too stressful. Too stressful that I felt guilty for not blogging when I wanted to read and game or look after myself.
So, over the last week, I didn’t blog at all. And it felt good.
It felt good to do what I wanted and not do anything without the guilt or at least the urge that – I must create content, I must promote my blog, I must blog hop or I won’t be relevant online anymore, I won’t be seen, I won’t “matter”.
However, as I said, blogging has become a habit. I almost started planning more content 2 days ago out of habit and I had to stop myself and go – hey, why are you doing this? don’t trick yourself, it actually doesn’t make you happy. Not right now anyway.
Hence, my title of taking a break. So many people love to blog, for others, for themselves, and perhaps I need a real break from it all to get that motivation, that drive and that sense of purpose in blogging again.
For those who have supported me since I started this blog, just a little side-note to say I appreciate you! I read and reply to 99% of all comments that I get cause I cherish them so much. I don’t keep track of followers but those who follow my blog – thank you too.
To go back on my initial purpose of discussion, I am planning on going somewhere else to create my own little book club or at least my own book discussion hub on Twitch. Livestreaming is always fun and it’s where I can potentially bring my two hobbies – reading and gaming together at once.
When it comes to this blog; I won’t say that I’ll be back in a certain time, I may never blog again but I thought it would be nice for me to actually write a semi-final post to
say goodbye.
until next time, whenever that may be.
